WE CAN HAVE IT ALL – AND HERE’S HOW
My Experience of Assumptions and Patriarchy during Pregnancy
If you’ve known me for a while, you know how committed I am to my dharma (“soul purpose” in Sanskrit). Over the course of my pregnancy though, I’ve received so much commentary that has made me doubt both my ability to be a good mother and my capability to continue following my purpose.
I’m sharing this with you today because I am SO fired up about this topic. I see this happen when clients commit to change only to have their family and friends resist and doubt them for it, but it’s taken me almost 34 weeks to recognise how much this story has been playing out for me too.
I have an incredibly strong sense of identity, and as soon as I got a positive pregnancy test I knew that I was going to continue being an empowered and high-impact coach, teacher, business owner and human – all while raising my daughter. I know I can be an incredible mother and follow my dharma to build my empire. In fact, what kind of example would I be to my daughter if I gave up on my dreams?
I’ve had friends and even clients who now exclusively refer to me as mama, and I’ve had so many patronising “you’re so naive”-style chuckles when I’ve told others that I’ll return to coaching and teaching a few months postpartum. In fact, the number of people who have told me “oh, you won’t feel this way once you’ve had your baby” outnumbers those who cheer me on by 100:1.
So, I’ve intentionally crafted a life with so much flexibility and space so that I can change and adapt as I need. I’ve built a successful business, and my partner is going to be an amazing stay-at-home dad. But as a result of all of this external narrative, I’ve felt doubt and even shame over how I want my life to look and feel.
We must take responsibility for our own limiting beliefs and distorted social perceptions.
You want a better world? Start advocating for the ‘and’.
Taking a Stand for the ‘And’
Change usually happens for 2 reasons.
- The pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change
- You have a vision of something better
The first example usually involves stopping negative actions and crowding them out with positive actions. But in the second example, change doesn’t have to be “either/or”. This is the type of change I’m talking about today. Why should we have to choose between all the multidimensional aspects of our incredible selves?
GinaDeVee, an awesome divine feminine coach talks about “taking the stand for the ‘and’”. Our lives can be rich tapestries that balance all the different things that light us up, rather than sacrificing parts of ourselves.
- One of my coaching clients is the CEO of a multimillion dollar software business – and in 2020 moved to his spiritual home in the jungle where he spends the afternoons with his family in the pool with monkeys playing in the trees overhead.
- A past yoga client of mine is a talented and successful DJ and music creator whose life is dedicated to flow state. He spends his weekends performing live sets at raves and festivals and he is devoted to his daily yoga and meditation practice.
- So many of my friends have a career that they adore – and teach incredible yoga classes in their spare time because it also fills their cup.
- And I know I can be successful in my work and dharma and be an incredible mother.
So a question for you – where are you holding yourself back in your life, or have you been told to compromise because you can’t have it all? Can you take a stand for the and, and start living in a way that integrates all the incredible parts of you?