RE-EMERGING ON THE OTHER SIDE
This year I’ve been through the metamorphosis I insisted I wouldn’t.
But I’m so glad I did.
I feel good. Softer, quieter, cooler, calmer, more grounded and focused.
I never felt the pull towards being a mum. And when I got pregnant, I was so adamant that I wouldn’t change AT all. My identity and my life would stay exactly the same, and I would keep doing the same stuff, only I’d sometimes have a kid with me. I even wrote about it right here – without getting political, the title ‘we CAN have it all’ shows how little I knew.
I planned on being back full time at my studio within a couple of months, but the universe had very different plans.
Death of the Old
I was still trying to be my old self, and it was completely impossible. Rei needed me, bottles were a no go and in the end I was trying to juggle being a full time mum with a business that relied on me far more than I had planned for.
AND I was adoring being a mother. Rei quickly became my everything, which I had not expected. I remember writing at one point that it felt like my whole world was crashing down around me, that Rei was my rock that I was holding onto amidst the debris of my life.
Then everything completely fell apart with the studio, all at the same time. A perfect storm of several things going wrong simultaneously, a house of cards falling apart. I’m still processing bits, but even at the time all I felt was relief and knowledge that it was happening FOR me. That sounds like such cliche Instagram BS – some happy quote bypassing all the pain – but it was so true for me. I was absolutely wrecked, but also so glad I could finally just stop.
I don’t know if I’ll ever publicly share the details (mostly because there were a some interpersonal issues going on and I don’t want to sloth* anyone off).
Let’s just say I lost everything. but it’s actually allowed me to finally put pieces together that I’ve struggled to for years. I have a solid offering that I am finalising, after so long of “I do this and I do this but I don’t know how to combine them”.
More than anything, it’s given me a new life. A new identity. New opportunities. New priorities.
Birth of the New
This summer has revolved around new friends, new places, sunshine, cake, long walks, picnics, cafes and so much fun.
I’ve also worked with incredible clients, shared more here than I have in a long time, redesigned my services and am updating my website (go take a look!), but that has been just a tiny segment of my life rather than the centrepiece.
I did not expect this. I didn’t think I needed a change. But I am so foxing happy – and I’m grateful that everything happened because it allowed me to arrive here.